Finding Me: How I Reconciled My Faith and Identity as a Christian Lesbian

The Big Picture

In July of 2022, I faced a painful decision: stay in the church that raised me, or finally live honestly out as a lesbian. Across North America and Europe, thousands of LGBTQ+ people are asking the same question: Can I be both full of faith and myself?

For many, faith is a source of peace. For others, it becomes a battleground where religion and identity collide. One study showed that lesbian, gay, and bisexual people raised in non-affirming religious environments experience higher levels of anxiety and depression than those in supportive spaces (Barnes & Meyer, 2012).

Yet a growing number of believers refuse to walk away from their faith. Instead, they’re rewriting what it means to live authentically within it.

My Story of Faith and Identity

“When I came out as a lesbian, I really thought I had to give up my faith. Church was the place where I had always felt closest to God, yet suddenly it felt like the most unsafe place to be myself.

Every sermon about sin felt like it was aimed directly at me. Every prayer was a silent plea to be fixed.

But over time, I started to wonder: what if God’s love was bigger than the church’s rules?

I began reading stories from other Christians who came out and stayed in the faith. Their honesty gave me hope.

It kept reminding me that communities, and faith, can change when people show up with love and persistence.”

The Research Behind the Struggle

Psychologist Ilan Meyer’s (2003) minority-stress model helps explain why this journey feels so heavy. LGBTQ+ people face both external stress (discrimination, rejection) and internal stress (guilt, self-doubt)—especially when their religious background teaches they can’t be both gay and full of faith.

A study in the Journal of Research on Adolescence found that religious stress among LGBTQ+ youth predicts higher rates of depression and negative identity formation (Page et al., 2013).

But there’s hope. The same research found a vital buffer: belonging. When people discovered affirming faith spaces or supportive communities, their mental health improved dramatically.

Healing Through Storytelling

Telling one’s story, out loud, online, or through creative media, can be deeply healing. Research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that people who create coherent life stories experience stronger well-being over time (Adler et al., 2015).

That’s why projects like “Finding Me,” my multimedia story about coming out as a Christian lesbian, matter.

• Stories like these help others see that faith and authenticity don’t have to be at odds.
• Each element plays a role in telling one larger truth: You can be both whole and holy.
• The more we share our stories, the more safe other people will feel in telling their own story.

Why This Story Matters

For generations, faith communities have defined morality and love. When LGBTQ+ believers share their stories, they invite those same communities to look deeper at theology, compassion, and humanity.

As psychologist T. W. Jones wrote, “religious trauma often occurs when people are told they must choose between God and authenticity” (Jones et al., 2022)

Moving Forward

Finding peace with faith and identity isn’t a one-time event. It’s a lifelong conversation, with God, with community, and with ourselves.

If you’re wrestling with the same questions, know this: there are affirming churches, organizations, and online spaces waiting for you. You’re not alone, and your story deserves to be told.

In this short audio story, I invite you into the intersection of faith and identity, where belief and belonging collide. Through voice, sound, and reflection, you’ll hear what it felt like to come out as a lesbian after growing up in a deeply religious community. This is Finding Me: A Soundscape of Faith and Identity.

A Call to Action
If you’re searching for a community that embraces both your faith and your identity, visit The Reformation Project or Q Christian Fellowship to connect with others walking the same road.